A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full of rum, vodka, or whiskey. New Years’ eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper. My New Year’s…
Why can’t you take a turkey to church? They use fowl language. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots. What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him! What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that…
A book never written: The Best Subject in School by Jim Class. A book never written: High School Math by Cal Q. Loss. A book never written: When Does School Start? by Wendy Belrings. Luke comes home from his first day of school, and his mother asks, What did you learn today? Not enough, Luke…
The British Government has revoked the Declaration of Independence. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, has placed America on the real estate market. Monies raised shall contribute to the upkeep of the British Monarchy. So far, land has been allocated to the following parties by Royal Decree: ENGLAND — Wishes to reclaim and retain its…
One of the many, many things Canadians are good at is self-deprecating humour. We are always willing to crack a joke about our fair nation if it will make someone smile, and better yet, if we can throw Americans under the bus at the same time. That’s why so many of the world’s best comedians…
The Bungled Get Away The two criminal masterminds planned their heist carefully. They knew the courier would have a suitcase full of cash. They waited for his car to pass, then pursued him at high speed, shooting at the vehicle until the courier was forced to pull over. Armed robbers made off with what they…
