Elephant Jokes: What’s grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn’t get wet? An elephant with an umbrella. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant. What’s grey and moves at 100 miles/hour? A jet-propelled elephant. Why did the elephant cross the road? Because the chicken was having the day…
Give Microsoft a Chance: Customer: “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.” Tech Support: “Tell me what you’ve done.” Customer: “I typed A: SETUP” Tech Support: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.” Customer: “It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk.” Tech Support: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.” Customer: “What?” Tech…
Psychic Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac? He knew in advance what he was going to forget. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large. Where do fortune tellers dance? At the crystal ball. Why…
In my day: Clean One-liners: • ‘Grass’ was mowed. • ‘Coke’ was a cold drink. • ‘Pot’ was something your mother cooked dinner in. • ‘Rock music’ was your grandmother’s lullaby. • ‘Aids’ were helpers in the Principal’s office. • ‘Chip’ meant a piece of wood. • ‘Hardware’ was found in the hardware store. •…
Spring Fever Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.” Still…
O’Malley was leaving his favourite bar when he was run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St. Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test. O’Malley dubiously agrees to try as he never was the brightest bulb in the box. St. Peter decides to go easy…
