A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full of rum, vodka, or whiskey.
New Years’ eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!
If 2017 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow. I’ll remember 2017 like it was yesterday.
Dear God, my prayer for 2018 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don’t mix it up like You did this year.
Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can’t help you.
I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2017 and a beautiful beginning into 2018.
Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years’ eve. DIGNITY is not one of them.
My New Year’s Resolution is to break my New Year’s Resolutions….That way I succeed at something!
New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
My 2018 resolution is for everyone else to gain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
It’s officially New Year Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the New Year.
There have been many times in 2017, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you …. Today, I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2018!
What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you for a year!
